Road to Significance

Travelers Guide: Perspective

2009-07-11T09:16:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, I hated when my parents used to tell me to use a travel guide if I was going to a foreign country. In fact, I still get a little frustrated whenever I travel with my wife’s family (which is often) as they not only have one travel guide, but multiple sources of information for any given destination. I have always been one to fly by the seat of my pants and see what happens. My mindset has always been, “whatever happens, happens and we can deal with it from there.”

I may not recommend this to everyone, but it is still the way I love to travel.

As I have traveled along the road to significance for the past 14 years, there are many things that I have experienced, both good and bad, that I would put in to a travel guide if I were to ever write one for traveling the road to significance. Just as in any journey, feel free to use the guide or go it alone. Either way works as long as you keep the proper destination in mind; a life of significance.

However, even though I hate to admit it, when I am with my in-laws and they pull out the guide, we usually get to where we need to be a lot quicker than if we used my favorite technique, catch as catch can. For example, as I might point aimlessly down the street to a sign on a door that I have never seen before and say “I think we should try this restaurant tonight”, having no idea what awaits us inside the door. My in-laws, on the other hand, will always find the best restaurant, with the best food and the best view in the city. Maybe there is something to these travel guides after all.

Therefore, if you are traveling down the road to significance, I suggest using the hybrid approach. Check the travel guide once in awhile and go it alone whenever it feels right. In the end , the destination is a more fulfilled life, a life of service, a life of abundance.

My first suggestion in my Road To Significance Travel Guide (RSTG) could be summed up in one word:

PERSPECTIVE

I believe that any life well lived, especially a significant life, can only be found in gaining new perspective all the time. I remember when I was young; I had a very narrow perspective. You see I grow up in an Italian family. Now, there is nothing wrong with Italian families. In fact, I had a wonderful family and one that I truly love. But the truth is, I was raised thinking that there was only one perspective and that perspective was the one my dad had and therefore would be the one I would have for the rest of my life.

This is not an assault on my dad’s perspective. Although I have grown to disagree with some of his beliefs, I have also grown to respect and understand the ways he sees the world. But in order to find a significant life, I needed to see the world through many different lenses.

I remember one of the first eye-opening experiences was working on 125th Street in Harlem when I was a 23 year-old recent college graduate. Growing up in an Italian family construction business, we had some slanted views on what was right and wrong with the world. I remember thinking very early on that poor people were poor because they were lazy, uneducated and unwilling to do what it takes to be successful. I had a perspective on poverty that clearly placed all the blame on the poor. If that is your perspective, I would highly recommend spending everyday for 2-years in and around poverty, either in this country or abroad. I can assure you that your perspective will change. It certainly changed mine.

My eyes were opened up to some of the inherent challenges that the marginalized and extremely poor in our country faced each and every day. Whether it was the lack of role models, a poor opportunity for education or a family history that had a path to nowhere baiting you into the same trap. There was institutional racism, there were cultural conflicts and there was outright discrimination. After two years in Harlem, I realized that my perspective on poverty needed to change.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still do believe that each and every one of us has a responsibility for ourselves. We need to get up each day and try to do what is right and make a better life for our families and ourselves. I do not believe that anyone can just sit back and claim that they are owed a better life and that someone, or something, such as the government, needs to provide it. Yet, as your perspective changes and your eyes are opened to the realities of life, you begin to realize that it is not until more people choose to live significant lives, lives that serve and love others well, will the marginalized and poor in our society or our world ever have a fair chance to pickup their torch and make a better life for themselves and their families. It is not up to others to give you a better life, but it is up to all of us to do our best to serve and love one another so each of us have an opportunity to live a significant life.

One of the things that frustrates me the most is that the need to serve and love others well is being left to our government. In some ways, it feels like the government is trying to hi-jack that responsibility. Each time the government sets new policies and new legislation that dictates and demands allocations and subsidies, it takes away the motivation and the opportunity for each and every one of us to live a significant life, to love and serve others well. Any one can argue the famous chicken or egg question here; did we abandon our duties as individuals to care for our communities and our world or did the government determine that only they were capable of “caring for” those in need. No matter what side of the argument you may be on, one thing is for certain, if we as individuals are not given the opportunity or example of self sacrifice and service and we can outsource it to the government, each of us is losing the unique blessing and joy that comes from a life of significance.

The last 14 years of my life, I have ventured around the world and close to home. Each time I walk out the door and every time I land on foreign soil, I enter the day hoping to gain new perspectives. I am always trying to learn from new cultures, new ideas, and new ways of life. I am amazed when I sit with teachers in Rwanda, or families in Mississippi, or when I when I get a chance to talk with a kid from an abusive family or a recovering drug addict, I am able to see the world from a new perspective and I am able to serve the world with a little more grace and a little more understanding.

The one trap that a broader perspective can have is that people begin to believe that there is no right or wrong. That whatever one person believes to be true for them must be accepted as truth and never questioned. We have become a world of no absolutes and deem everything only as a relative truth. I disagree completely with the notion of relative truth. There is only one truth and if you choose to travel on the road to significance, our destination is to understand and recognize the absolute truth. A single perspective does not always point to truth, but the wisdom of a broad perspective and an eagerness to see life through many lenses will begin to bring into focus the absolute truths of our world.

If you are willing to travel the road of significance, you must be willing to engage your life in broadening your perspective. Whether it is by being with people in your community, your country or your world, there is something to learn from everyone and everyone can help formulate your perspective. In the end, one truth that you will come face to face with is that we are created to love and serve each other; we are created to live significant lives.

Potholes: Envy

2009-06-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

As one travels down the road to significance, there are many potholes that will get in the way. For each person, each pothole will take on its on shape and size. In fact, some people may see something like envy as just a small malformation in the pavement, where others see envy as a chasm that they fear may just engulf their entire life.

For me, naming the potholes and knowing that they are there has helped me deal with them. It is whenever I turn my head and refuse to acknowledge their existence, that I drive right into the pothole and destroy part of my life.
Just the other day, I was getting together with a few old friends. We gathered at a dinner event. Some of these people I had not seen for years. In fact, one of my buddies, I have only seen a handful of times since High School, that is more than 25 years ago.

We started talking about what so many people talk about, family, sports, friends and, of course, work. My friend, who I will call Dave, has been very successful. Probably more successful than any of us would have guessed back in High School. He has built a career that has provided very well financially for he and his family. He seems to love his job, although he is away from his family 4 or 5 days a week. He works for a big company and has big responsibilities.

As our conversation proceeded, I learned that he had bought a big estate back where he lives. It is fully paid for. He has three daughters, just like I do, and he has set aside all of their college tuition. He has money in the bank, although not enough to retire, but he thinks he may be just a few years away.

As I listened, I started to have feelings of envy. Dave seemed to achieve many of the things that I had set out to achieve when I was in High School. The big house, the big bank account and all of my financial worries taken care of long before 50 ( I thought I would have gotten that done before 40 to be honest). So this sudden wave of envy started to blanket my being. I felt a bit smaller, a bit jealous and a bit lost. I have not achieved all of those things yet, and I was envious of my friend who had. I thought, “why has he been able to do all of this and I have not. I was smarter and had more potential than he did when we were in high School.

Envy will quickly shrink the aperture of your life!

What do I mean by that?

As the conversation went on, the only thing that I could see and think about was my friends estate (which I have never been too) and how good it must feel to have all of your major financial needs met. In fact, envy prevented me from even talking about the other things in my life because my world became very small again; my world became about the thing I envied, financial security.

In order to travel the road to significance, we must have a wide aperture for life. We must be able to see that the world is so much bigger than comparing ourselves to others and envying the things they have that we don’t. A wide aperture in life let’s you see that financial needs are just one aspect of life.

As my conversation with Dave came to an end and the evening wrapped up, I found myself driving home in my car dealing with my envy. I suddenly realized that at no time in our conversation did I talk about all the great things that have been happening in my life. I never talked about Rwanda and the schools that I have been involved in. I never discussed the thousands of lives, maybe 10’s of thousands of lives that have been changed because I have had the great privilege of serving other well in a small country in east Africa. I did not discuss the lives that have touched me and I have touched as I coach in my home town; spending time helping shape the lives of growing children. Never once did we talk about what charitable work he was doing or what charitable work he would like to do. No, envy got the best of me and I forgot to look at the breathe and depth of a significant life. I came back to the surface of life and could only see what was immediately in front of me; a friend who had financial success that I envied.

We all have financial goals and needs in our life, and there will always be people who achieve more and accomplish more than we do. On the road to significance, we should celebrate the successes of others instead of envying them. In fact, we should all come together and share not only our great successes, but also share in our failures. Then, together, we can begin to see the world with a very wide aperture. Seeing the full spectrum of life and helping each person to experience a life of significance.
Potholes are dangerous on any road, especially the road to significance. But if you are willing to name them, gather a small group of friends to acknowledge them with you and work together to repair them, we may all find the road to significance a little bit smoother and a lot more enjoyable ride.

To Need and To Be Needed

2009-05-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

Just the other day, I was talking with a group of students who asked me a very interesting question. I was telling them about the work I was doing in Rwanda, Africa around education and the public school system. I explained that I had traveled to Rwanda 10 times in the past four years and I go back at least 2 times every year. As I spoke of my journeys to Rwanda, I would often refer to the people and the culture as something I never experienced here in the US. This led to their question.

“What is different about the people and the culture in Rwanda?”

Now it is easy to give a quick answer to that question and say something like the experience of poverty and the daily challenges of everyday life. Or to look back on the history of the country and talk about the character that is developed by people who survived a horrific genocide like the one in 1994. But for some reason, a quick answer did not seem appropriate. In fact, I remained quiet for quite some time and began to dwell on the question.

I came to what seemed to be a very strange conclusion. What made the people of Rwanda different was their willingness to need and their joy in being needed. There is humility and strength that develops from that willingness to admit need and meet the needs of others.

What?!? Neediness is a virtue? Neediness is something exceptional? No, not the neediness, but the willingness and acceptance of having needs that require others to provide for you as well as the willingness to meet other peoples needs without feeling superior or demanding something in return. Let me explain.

I grew up in the suburbs of New York City. I was taught at a very young age that you could never be needy. In fact, in our society, the quality of a man is his ability to provide for himself and the independence never to need anyone. I always equated need with weakness and neediness with failure. As I look around our culture, we have created the same general belief that to be needy is a true sign of weakness; therefore nobody is willing to be needy.

Furthermore, if someone needed me to do something, the first question I was taught to ask was what is in it for me. How much will I get paid? What will you do in return? I am not suggesting that our time and our work should not be rewarded with compensation. I am a firm believer in compassionate capitalism. But I have seen in our culture that the compassion has been removed from capitalism. Capitalism has become a “kill or be killed” sport that very few people win. Not only has our capitalistic economy lost its compassion, but nearly every aspect of our culture is asking the question what is in it for me.

What ever happened to the question, “What can I do for you?”

If you are sad or disappointed, you are supposed to hide those feelings, bury them. If you are feeling like you just can’t do it, you are supposed to suck it up, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and make things happen. If you are required to get something done, you better do it yourself because that is the sign of a real success. In my world growing up, asking for help, acknowledging a need was considered a failure.

But as I spend more time in Rwanda and other developing countries, I have begun to see the failures of our culture, the fallacy that we are never to need anything or anybody. In Rwanda, due to so many different circumstances, no one is able to provide everything for him or herself. They are required to rely on their neighbors, their friends and their community to help meet the needs of life. Whether it is the need to raise your children, farm your land, collect water or go to market, each need comes with a need for others to help. Pride is never lost because of need. In fact, helping and being helped by others in need develops a humble and appropriate sense of worth. It is a culture that depends upon the entire society to make it complete. Often, Rwandans must look to the global community to meet their needs, yet they are eager to be needed by the global community as well.

This willingness to acknowledge need and to serve others in need, forces each and every one of us to respect each other, care for each other, and rely on the people who are in our lives. In the end, it creates a culture of love and mutual respect. It creates a culture of significance.

Contrast that with the culture that we are currently living in. Most people are afraid to express need. They are willing to hide it at all costs. Some folks may even go as far as taking part in destructive, violent or unhealthy behavior just to cover up their needs. We label people weak or a burden if they are in need.

There are many examples of this is my own life. One trite example is a great metaphor for the bigger and deeper needs that we all keep hidden. A few years back, I decided I wanted to build a tree house for my three daughters. Now, although I was in construction years ago, I never built any structures, we were always involved with underground pipelines. So from the start, I knew I needed help. My ego and the little voice in my head told me that I should not burden someone else with my needs. Suck it up, build it yourself; I assumed my friends would not want to be burdened with my projects. So I set out on my own, to build this little tree castle by myself, ignoring my needs and my shortcomings.

Well, two years later, the tree house is still only 75% complete; the place looks like a cyclone hit it and my daughters are starting to get to old to enjoy it. Yet, I still have a tough time asking for help and admitting that I am needy. Reflecting on this, I have suddenly realized all of the things I have missed out on because of my inability to be honest about needs and vulnerable enough to ask for others to help meet those needs:

1. The Tree house is not complete
2. My daughters have missed out on two years of fun
3. I missed the chance to share an experience with a friend
4. I eliminated the opportunity for a friend to serve another
5. I missed out on community and fellowship
6. I have a half built tree house and I look at it with much regret
7. I have missed out on meeting a goal that I set for myself because I was unwilling to accept the help of others.

The willingness to acknowledge need and the humility to have that need met by others is a portal to a significant life; a life of community and service.

Now, don’t try to read into this something that I do not believe. You see, working hard and putting your best effort forward is a great attribute and we all need to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. I am often frustrated by the other side of our culture, the side that chooses to take the victimization road. “Oh, poor me, all of my needs are because of someone else and because of the general population not giving me a fair shake”. That is not the posturing of need I am endorsing or suggesting. I am talking about honest needs and shortcomings that each of us have and require others to fill with a clear balance that each of us is called to meet the needs of others.

Both of these cultural norms suck the humanity out of each and every one of us. It is a normal human condition to need. As children, we need a loving family. We need shelter, food and care. We need a place that is full of love giving us complete faith that we are significant. Yet, as we begin to stumble into adolescence and then come crashing into adulthood, “need” becomes a bad word; a stigma, a weakness.

But what if the willingness to need was a pathway to our hearts. A pathway that brings us together rather than separating us into to two groups: those who need and those who don’t. We all end up in the same bucket: those who need and at the same time those who meet the needs of others.

Let’s face it; no matter how tough you may think you are or how independent you want to be, at the core of our humanity, we still have the same needs as everyone else. The need for love, the need for security, the need for shelter and food, the need for community and friendship, the need to have a friend help us build a tree house. Guess what, no one on earth can provide for themselves all of the needs life demands.

The road to significance is filled with need; My needs and your needs. But the road to significance is different than success because on the road to significance, I am here to serve your needs and you are here to serve mine. Working together we can meet the needs of our own lives as well as the needs of the world.

On The road to significance, we all are needed and we all have needs that must be met by others.

Philanthropy: (Fil-an-thro-pee)

2009-04-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

It has been several months since my last blog. My world has been filled with ups and downs, ins and outs. I have tried to find a rhythm in life that works, but it seems to be ever elusive. My work has been focused on trying to create a movement that would have an impact on the culture, an effect on our society.
Much to my dismay, progress has been slow and roadblocks have been many. The road to significance is often an up hill climb.
Yet, on the journey, there are so many wonderful nuggets of wisdom and knowledge that we gain if we are just willing to take our eyes off of ourselves. I learn more by chance than I do by intention. For example, ever since the TV show, Oprah’s Big Give, many people have started to see me as a philanthropist. I started to wonder what that meant and who is truly a philanthropist. In fact, I wondered what philanthropist meant.
So I started on the Internet and I typed into Google, “P-H-I-L-A-N-T-H-R-O-P-I-S-T”

Word: Philanthropist
Form: Noun
Definition: One who practices Philanthropy.

Don’t you just love Webster’s? I obviously clicked on Philanthropy to find out it’s meaning.

Word: Philanthropy
Form: Noun
Definition: A philanthropic act or gift: An organization distributing or supported by philanthropic funds

By this time, frustration started to set in. But I suddenly realized that this was the general understanding in our society about what it means to be a philanthropist. You are either giving money or receiving money to do something that seemed to have some value. In fact, Google took me one step further as I clicked on philanthropic.

Word: Philanthropic
Form: Adjective
Definition: Dispensing or receiving aid from funds set aside for humanitarian purposes

And, finally:
Word: Humanitarian
Form: Noun
Definition: a person promoting human welfare and social reform.

After a few minutes of allowing my aggravation with the circular definitions of all the words settle, I began to wonder if being a philanthropist, as defined in Webster’s and by our society was really something to strive for. At the end of the day, was being a philanthropist about this never ending circle of giving money and receiving money. And was the purpose of those receiving the money just to promote human welfare and change or was it actually the act of causing human change and improving the welfare of others?
Let’s be honest, when anyone is asked who is the greatest philanthropist of our day, the names that come up are: Bill and Melinda Gates, Warren Buffet, maybe even Bono or Oprah Winfrey. All of them certainly take part in philanthropic endeavors giving money and promoting human welfare. Who better to promote change than Oprah or the billions of dollars that Bill and Melinda plan to give away. But if that is the only measure of philanthropy, then you and me and 99.999% of the world have almost no shot of ever becoming a great philanthropist. I started to become depressed and thought that I was a hypocrite to even consider myself a philanthropist.
Was philanthropy really just about money? Was a philanthropist only defined by the amount of money he/she gave or the amount of money he/she received from the givers, or, was there more to it?
I dug a little deeper into Google. I wanted to know, not what we believe philanthropy to mean, but rather what was at the root of philanthropy; what was at the heart of being a philanthropist.
Philanthropy developed from the Greek language with two roots:

PHILIEN ("to love") and ANTHROPOS ("mankind").

Putting those two roots together creates the true meaning of philanthropy, “to Love mankind”.
As I read this definition, my heart began to swell. It is no longer just the Bill Gates and Warren Buffets of the world who are capable of being philanthropists, but each and every one of us has the capacity to be a great philanthropist. But are we?
As I look around the world and around my community, I do not see philanthropists, in fact what I see is a world defined by another word: narcissist.

Word: Narcissist
Form: Noun
Definition: A person with excessive love or admiration of oneself

The world around us is shaped by the dominant culture. Our media, our politics, our way of life is determined by we hold dear as a society. The challenges we face as a nation are the challenges we all created by the way we have lived in the world. The narcissist sees the world as a place that serves them and their needs. A philanthropist sees the world as a place they can serve and meet the needs of others. The culture created by the narcissist depletes the resources of the universe in an effort to feed the excessive self-love and individual admiration. The philanthropic culture replenishes the universe by giving back the gifts we have been given as individuals and using those gifts for the love and service of our fellow man. Using our lives in a philanthropic way.
As I try to navigate my way through this narcissistic world, I find myself tired and drained by a culture that is always trying to take. I wonder what life might be like if we lived in a philanthropic culture. A place where all of us were giving back to one another and building each other up because of our love for mankind and God’s creation that surrounds us. In no way should this undermine individual achievement or personal goals. We all should strive to maximize the talents we have been given. But are the successes we have only meant for the benefit of ourselves? Or, could we possibly change our culture and use the successes in our lives for the significant love and service of others?
The road to significance is a road of change. Not just personal change, but cultural change. Are we prepared as a society to travel the road to significance? If we do, we will change the culture from success to significance, from selfish to service, from narcissistic to philanthropic. The road to significance is a journey through our culture, hopefully changing it along the way.

First Class or Coach

2009-01-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

The other day, I was scheduled to fly from New York to Dallas. A snowstorm caused many travel headaches and my flight was canceled. I was quickly booked on a different flight from a different airport. When I checked in for the new flight, I was given the option to upgrade to first class.

Now just so you know, I fly coach just about everywhere. In fact, even when I fly over to Rwanda, Africa a few times a year, I fly coach. Many people do not like coach. They find it cramped and uncomfortable. For me, I never seemed to mind. For some reason, my 6’2” body seems to fit snug and tight in the coach seats and with little room to move, I find myself falling asleep quickly. Coach is good for me.

But on this day, the option to fly first class for a small nominal fee appealed to me. I gave them my credit card and they assigned me seat 5F, first class.

This certainly was not the first time in the front of the plane for me. I have often been blessed by the generosity of others, such as my in-laws, who have treated my family and me to business class seats on our trips to Europe. I have always enjoyed it and appreciated the luxury. But today seemed different.

On a normal day, I walk through the first class cabin on my way to the back of the plane, where the majority of people travel, in coach. I must admit, there are many times that I look at the people seated in the big comfortable seats of first class and wonder who they are. I wonder what they do and how successful they must be to be flying first class. How have they reached this first class status?

Part of me expects them to be more sophisticated, more established, more intelligent, or maybe just plain more than those of us in coach.

On this day, instead of passing through the first class cabin, I stopped in the middle of it. I placed my one carry-on above row 5 and prepared to get into my first class oversized chair, seat 5F. There was a man already sitting in 5E, the aisle seat, so I politely asked him if he would allow me to get to my seat. Without a word, a look or a facial expression, he stood up. In his silence, both in his lack of words and in his body language, I could tell that I disturbed his world. The grimace on his face said to me, “how dare you disturb me and my kingdom”.

I quickly and quietly sat down in my seat. Now, I usually like to at least say hello to the person I am sitting next to. I understand that most people may not want to carry on a conversation, but an acknowledgement of them as a person with a simple hello usually seems right. I attempted on several occasions to find a moment to say hello to my neighbor in 5E. He was steadfast in his convictions. Every fiber in his being said, “stay away”.

He pulled out his work before we even began to move. Spreadsheets, numbers, calculating success. I saw some of the notes he scribbled in the margins, production up 3%, very good. Down 2.45, needs work.

He placed a document that he was reading in between the two of us. In first class, there is plenty of room between seats. Yet, the traveler in 5E was very quick to claim all of the space as his. As he reached under his seat to pull out another work item, the document he placed between us started to fall. I reached out and put my hand on it so it would not hit the ground. As his head came up and he saw the paper in my hand, he abruptly grabbed the document and pulled it away. His actions told me, I do not need your help and keep your bloody hands off my papers. Not a thank you, not a smile or an acknowledgement, just a very clear message, you are in my space and you need to get out.

I shifted in my seat and moved a little closer to the window. As we began to taxi to the runway after a 20-minute de-icing project, the passenger in 6F, right behind me, dials a number on his cell phone and starts a conversation loud enough for all of first class to hear. In his controlling and demanding voice, he begins to rattle off facts about the deal he must be doing and giving instructions to the person on the other end of the call. His voice is far from discrete. In fact, he seems to raise the volume of the conversation as he describes the success he is having.

Now, as I am sure you all know, we are all expected to turn our cell phones off and put our electronics away as the plane taxis to the runway. Some people try to stretch the end of a call for an extra 30 seconds as the plane begins to move. But my fellow passenger in 6F felt it was his right to disregard all other authority and begin a call long after the cell phones were to be turned off. This was his world, and nobody could tell him what to do. In fact, he wanted to be certain that everyone in first class knew that he was the master of his universe as he barked out instructions and gloated over his successes.

Now the right thing to do might have been for the traveler in seat 6E to gently tap the man’s leg and ask him to end the conversation and please put away the cell phone. But this was first class; the right thing to do seemed to never get done. Suddenly, the man sitting in front of me, seat 4F, turns around and begins to scream at our cell phone user in 6F. “Get off the phone you idiot!”

It seemed that everyone in first class heard him except of course the one who needed to, passenger 6F. He just continued his conversation. In fact, it appeared that he might have started to speak a little louder. He needed to be certain that everyone was aware of how important he was, especially our angry traveler in seat 4F.

Well, 4F was now in battle mode. Another loud demand and another comment about the man’s intelligence is launched over my head, targeted for seat 6F. To my surprise, my neighbor in 5E, who would not even acknowledge me with a hello, chimed in and added to the anger by making certain that passenger 6F knew that he was a fool. The animals were working hard to establish their territory and no one was backing down.

The incident ended before any physical contact was made, but the theme was well established; this is my kingdom and you cannot mess with it. Everyone was angry, no one was talking, everyone was in their own kingdom playing king for another day.

I was now just about out the window, trying to stay out of the fray. I thought, this is first class; this is the front of the plane?
Now just a week earlier, our 44th president was inaugurated in DC. I was fortunate enough to be there the night before and the morning of the big event. Nearly 2 million people of every race and creed came together in crowded streets and packed the national mall. It seemed like the masses were more civilized than first class.

But as I pressed myself against the window of seat 5F, my mind wandered to Rosa Parks. Oh, please do not jump ahead. My seating in first class is not even in the same universe of the heroic act of Rosa Parks. She changed the world, I just changed my seat size. But as I thought about Rosa Parks and her bold move to the front of the bus, I wondered what she thought about the people she encountered. In a much more extreme way than I experienced, the folks in the front of the bus were arrogant, obnoxious, opinionated, intolerant, quick to anger, quick to judge, filled with a superiority complex, looking for a person to belittle, focused on their own kingdom and maintaining the isolation of that kingdom. They were bigoted, violent, self-righteous and miserable human beings. They had no room for others and had no desire to serve and love others well. They were there for their own success and a life of significance was not even on the radar screen.

I wondered if for just a moment, Rosa Parks had a similar thought that I had; I moved up front to be with these people? I sure did like the folks in the back of the bus better.

Now, for Rosa Parks and the entire black community during the time of segregation in our country, there were so many wrongs being perpetrated against her and her people that someone needed to take a stand, even if it meant enduring the horrible people in the front of the bus. The selfishness that I witnessed on my flight would not even cause a blip on the screen compared to the people dead set against integration and equal rights. But my mind started to wonder.
The world was changed by Rosa Parks. She moved to the front of the bus where she encountered hatred, anger and bigotry head on. For the next several decades, leaders like Dr. Martin Luther King gave their lives to enable African Americans to sit in the front of the bus and have their proper place in society.

Thank goodness that we witnessed the achievement of that dream on January 20th, 2009, as Barack Obama took the oath of office.

But, what if history was a little bit different and instead of Rosa Parks having to fight her way to the front of the bus, those of us who were sitting in the front stood up and moved to the back of the bus to join Rosa Parks and her friends. What if the front of the bus knew that life was about significance and the service of others. What if all of us in the front of the bus knew that if we were really going to have a meaningful life, the place to find meaning was in the back of the bus.

I think when we got to the back of the bus, we would not have encountered the hatred, anger and self-righteousness that Rosa Parks endured by sitting in the front of the bus. We would have found community, fellowship, humility, service and love. We would know that there should be no front of the bus or back of the bus, there should be no first class or coach. When we are ready to leave our seat in the front to love, live, serve and befriend those in the back, the word will change without decades of strife, fighting and death.

I have no issue with people flying first class on an airplane. And I also know that there are plenty of wonderful, gracious and significant people who fly in business class, first class or in private jets. In no way is my musing about my latest flight a condemnation of first class or successful people in general. The truth is, first class is more comfortable and it is a luxury that is very nice. In fact, if I have the opportunity, I will do it again. But when it comes to traveling the road to significance, there can be no first class; there is only coach.

We all ride in the back of the bus together.

A Principled Life vs. A Practical Life

2009-01-12T05:52:00.000-08:00

As the new year begins, and what appears to be a new economic reality continues to maintain its grip on the country and the world, I am beginning to hear from many people about the ways they are changing their lives to be more practical. Now that their portfolios are down by as much as 40% and some may have even lost their job, what once seemed normal, has become very impractical.

For example, many of us fell into a habit of going out to expensive dinners and paying for too much for a meal. Or maybe we had grown accustomed to spoiling our children with too many gifts and extravagant presents at Christmas. For others, it may be a shopping habit that just never seems to stop needing its fix. Or, in my case, it was that one or two big purchases a year that pumped up my ego and made me feel successful.

Now, all of that starts to feel wrong. But why?

This past week, I was in a discussion about how the times have changed. Many of the participants said that the change that was taking place around us represented a return to values and a return to practical living. I could not help myself when I spoke up. Has anything really changed or are we living the exact same life just with a different economic floor. In other words, has anything changed in our hearts and our minds about what is right or wrong, what is good or bad, what is success or significance. As I look around, I do not see any real change, I just see people with less money acting the exact same, only with a new set of financial constraints limiting their behavior, at least for the time being. Worse than that, the behavior they are limiting may actually be the most significant things they do in their lives.

I will give you an example. I have a friend who, at one time, was probably worth close to $100mm. This recent down turn in the stock market and the eroding of real estate market along with a pretty spectacular life style has reduced that number dramatically. Still, the remaining $40mm, more or less, is an astronomical amount of money. But the way he perceives the impact on his life has been shocking. He has decided that he needs to be more practical. As long as he does not spend extravagantly or give his money away, he is "comfortable" that he will be able to maintain his current lifestyle for the next 20 years, even if he makes no money on his portfolio. Not bad, a practical life for $2.0mm per year. But what has actually changed? The only thing that I know that has changed is his generosity. He plans to give less money away and feels as if he needs to hoard his wealth in these “hard” economic times. Is this what should be resulting from practical living?

Obviously, this example is extreme. Many of us, like myself, have far bigger concerns about paying our bills than does my wealthy friend. But as my friends and I continued our discussion, a man of great wisdom said this, “It is the difference between a practical life and a principled life.”

Those words have played over in my mind time and time again. You see, the road to success is all about practical living. Determine your life and your lifestyle by the financial success you achieve. Practical living is dependent on economics.

But what about a principled life; a life that is not controlled by your portfolio, or your income, or your financial empire, but rather a life that is grounded in the principles of significance.

The road to significance can only be traveled by those of us willing to build our foundations on principles, not just practicality. Don’t get me wrong, it is important that we all be pragmatic as we serve others well. But solid principles, such as humility, sacrifice, service, grace, simplicity, love, joy, peace and a desire to give more than you receive allows everyone to maintain a steady course, even in these turbulent economic times.

I have been traveling this road of significance for just over 13 years, and I have to admit that it is a lot easier to forget about my principles and replace them with practical living, especially when times get tough. But if this world is ever going to change, and the road to significance is ever going to become the main thoroughfare, I need to brand my principles onto my heart and soul and begin to live not by practicality, but rather by the principles of significance.

A Signpost on the Road to Significance

2008-12-22T08:58:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, after giving a talk on thinking through how each of us uses our money, I found myself in a very strange conversation. A woman came up to me and asked to speak with me. I assumed she was going to discuss the topic of the speech. I challenged the crowd to think through how they use their money. I suggested that there were three ways to use money: Share it, Save it or Spend it. I encouraged the audience to make their first priority sharing, because no matter how bad things were getting, there were others around the world who had it much worse and could use your help.

I figured she wanted to tell me about how hard it was for her to prioritize sharing as she had so many bills and really needed to save some money for the future before she even considered sharing.

Well, I could not have been more wrong. In fact, she spoke to me more as a prophet than as a person. She challenged me with a word that has played over in my head ever since…”Rectify”.

She told me that my message and my words were impactful and that they needed to be heard. But she also looked into my soul and said that I need to rectify my soul with my heart and my head.

How did she know? How could she tell that as passionate as I am about living a life of significance, more often than not, my heart, my head and my soul are not fully rectified. Often my head wants to travel the road of success. Go back to building my kingdom and building up my bank account. I often figure, “What the heck, everybody else does.” At times, my heart wonders why should I sacrifice for others, isn’t better to just take care of me and my family and not worry about the rest of the world. My soul is the only constant; it is in the service of others that true living begins.

For the past several days, I have wondered how many other people live a life that is not internally rectified. Do we all live a life where our hearts and our minds are conflicted with our souls? Does your mind continuously fight with our heart? I know for me, this has been a battle that rages on a daily bases. In fact, a lot of my energy is spent in fighting this battle.

For me it is the battle of success vs. significance: a battle of self-focus verses others focused, a battle of my kingdom or a kingdom greater than me.

What is your internal battle? What needs to be rectified in your life?

Maybe it is your desire to be a loving husband or a caring wife, but your actions just do not seem to match your heart. Maybe you have longed to be an involved parent, who has time for your children, but day after day, you find no time to spend with your kids and the years seem to pass by without anything changing. Maybe you have been thinking about getting involved in a philanthropic cause but have yet to pull the trigger. You keep saying that service is on your heart, but work and making money has crowded out everything you have ever dreamed of. Maybe you have wanted to support someone who has decided to make their life about serving the poor and they need your help but you just can’t seem to write the check because you are worried about the future of the economy.

What ever it is, I believe that we all need to get to a point where we rectify our hearts, minds and souls. I know for me, I would eliminate so much anxiety and save so much energy if my daily life was rectified with who I hope to be.

Now I am not deceiving you or myself by proclaiming that this is easy. But then again, the road to significance is not easy. Just like all roads, there are signposts that we need to pay attention to. This weekend, I ran into a bright neon sign on the road to significance, it was disguised as a woman in the crowd, it has continued to flash in my head…RECTIFY.

Highlighting Significance

2008-12-07T13:07:00.000-08:00

No matter what side of the political isle you may be on, the last 4 years, or maybe even 8 years, have been frustrating to say the least. Just about every news report that has come out of Washington has highlighted all of the problems we have had as a nation and as a government. It has felt like everything we have done, as a nation, has been a failure. Our success rate seems to be at an all time low.

Well, this past Monday, I had the privilege of sitting in the audience as President Bush was interviewed on the 20th anniversary of World AIDS Day. Rick Warren, the author of A Purpose Driven Life and the pastor from Saddleback Church, was talking with President Bush and First Lady, Laura Bush, about the President's Emergency Plan For AIDS Relief (PEPFAR). Now I have been around developing world health care and initiatives since 2004, and although I have heard about PEPFAR, I cannot remember a signal news report or telecast about the effects of the program.

As I sat in the audience, I was amazed to learn that, because of the generosity of the American people and the initiative of the Bush administration, more than 2,000,000 people in Africa are receiving antiretroviral (ARV) medication and more than 10,000,000 people have benefited from this unprecedented commitment to global health and the AIDS virus. As I sat and listened to the President of the United States who has been criticized at every turn (often well deserved criticism), I wondered when did we become a society that only highlights exorbitant financial success or the failure of any kind.

So far, any and all of the news coverage coming from the event has been negative. Some have used the opportunity to blast the Bush Administration one more time for its policy on Iraq. Others have done their best to belittle the award and completely avoid the purpose of the PEACE award, to celebrate the great work the US has done in the fight against AIDS.

Why, as a country and a culture, do we always look to turn something good into something bad. Why do we not highlight and celebrate the significance that our lives and our actions have on the rest of the world.

PEPFAR is probably one of dozens of significant initiatives and programs that our government is engaged in and although the Bush Administration has plenty of things we can be upset about, both democratic and republican led endeavors that are changing the world and making it a better place to live are almost always un-noticed or even neglected by our press, by our public and by our citizens. I am as much to blame as anyone. Even as a person with a personal interest in Africa and health care in the developing world, I have never taken the time to learn about what our government or even our citizenry is doing that makes a difference.

If we are going to travel on the Road to Significance, we are going to have to start to highlight the significant efforts that we are all making, including our government, our corporations and our families.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, we still have an obligation to report on the mistakes of an administration or the errors of an individual, but what we decide to highlight and to bring to the forefront of our lives is what needs to be re-examined. For me, I want to live in a world that is highlighting significance; a place where the service of others is held in higher regard than the failure of some; a country were our caring is more meaningful than our callousness; a world were our significance is more important than our success.

I want to travel on the Road to Significance.

Welcome to the Road To Significance

2008-12-02T09:02:00.000-08:00

Everywhere I turn, whether it is the television, the newspaper, the internet or a conversation, everyone is trying desperately to make sense of the current market meltdown. As Wall Street unravels and the very core belief that success is at the center of our society begins to breakdown, I am taken back by the void that is being left in so many people’s lives.

Men and women, who just two or three months ago, seemed to have full control over their lives and a sense of dominance in regards to the world around them, have now been reduced to a bundle of fear and anxiety with no sense of stability or security. Success, which had become not just their foundation, but their pedestal and their stage, has quickly become their prison cell, their shackles, their ball and chain.

Back in 1995, the early stages of the economic boom that has, for the most part, remained in place until 2008, a man by the name of Bob Buford challenged me to reevaluate my life. He asked a question that demanded far more than just an answer, it demanded an action: “Is the rest of your life going to be about success or significance?”

You see at that time, I was a young man with tremendous early success in the business world. Although compared to today’s wealth I may have seemed like a pauper, I was a 31 year-old married man who owned three different businesses, money in the bank and a future that seemed to have no boundaries. Monetary success almost seemed like a given as long as I kept focused on the prize. So when I was asked whether my life was about success or significance, my answer was both. As far as I knew, success was significance. The more money I made, the more significant I would become. Success equaled money; Money equaled influence; Influence equaled significance; Significance equaled power.

Bob was very quick to set the record straight. According to Bob, success was utilizing all of your God-given talents, gifts and treasures to build your own kingdom. Success focused on the bigger house, the bigger bank account, the bigger title at your job and the bigger position in society. It was all about serving you. Significance, on the other hand, was taking the same God-given talents, gifts and treasures and focusing them on serving others well. To building up the kingdom of others; to serving your neighbor, your community, your country, the world. A significant life was a life of service, not a life of success.

As I look back over the past 13 years and I see the chaos today’s market place is causing, I can’t help but wonder what the world would look like right now if our society had been focused on significance rather than success.

First of all, would the collapse of the market place have even happened if the executives on Wall Street were not solely focused on success and returns that led to greed and over-exposure, but rather they focused on how their firm may play a significant role in serving not just their clients’ financial needs, but the well being of their investors as well as the companies and organizations in which they invested their capital. Imagine what Wall Street might look like today if CitiBank, or Goldman, or even Lehman Brothers had focused on building other people’s kingdoms as opposed to building the kingdom of Lehman Brothers, for example.

Now don’t get me wrong, we cannot only look to the leaders of the Wall Street firms and banks and blame them for this unraveling. We need to look at our own lives and our own decisions. Our need to check the boxes of success that define us as a people: The bigger house, the faster car, the expensive dinner, the private plane or the extravagant array of clothing. We all got caught in the trap of success. Let’s face it, success is just an illusion, because no matter how big you build your kingdom, there is always another addition you want to add on.

So here we sit, 13 years after I was first challenged to live a life of success or significance. I have made some adjustments but still find myself straddling the abyss. I conjure up an image of myself with one foot in the boat of success and one in the boat of significance and the current is forcing the boats to drift about. It is time for me to decide which boat I am in, which boat will be my Life Boat if you will.

I have always wanted to say my life was about significance, but the fact is I really wanted to be in the boat of success doing significant things. I think 2008 has made me realize that if we choose the boat of success as our vehicle to significance, in the end, we are really forced to prioritize our own kingdom because that is, after all, what keeps us afloat. Therefore, when the rough waters come, like they have over the past several months in the stock market and the economy, we begin to fear that our boat will sink and we will drown because the success we believed in was not enough to keep us alive. Yet, if we have made our lifeboat one of significance and the storm rages, we find there are more opportunities to serve others than ever before. Suddenly our boat does not become a sinking ship but rather a rescue boat for others who have been lost at sea.

As so many people begin to go down with their boat of success, I want to have a place where we all begin a new journey, a journey in a new boat, a boat of significance. So as the pundits spin this economic collapse and try to figure out how to get back to success, I believe we need to abandon ship and begin the journey to significance by getting into a new boat, a boat that serves others well and builds a kingdom for us all.

Over the past 13 years I have learned one thing. If success is the lighthouse in your life, there will be little or no room for significance. Success is all encompassing, a moving target, an imaginary destination. However, if the lighthouse of your life is significance, there will always be plenty of room for success. The journey of significance is not an end place but rather a life better lived because we serve and love one another well.

Welcome to The Road to Significance.