Potholes: Envy

As one travels down the road to significance, there are many potholes that will get in the way. For each person, each pothole will take on its on shape and size. In fact, some people may see something like envy as just a small malformation in the pavement, where others see envy as a chasm that they fear may just engulf their entire life.

For me, naming the potholes and knowing that they are there has helped me deal with them. It is whenever I turn my head and refuse to acknowledge their existence, that I drive right into the pothole and destroy part of my life.
Just the other day, I was getting together with a few old friends. We gathered at a dinner event. Some of these people I had not seen for years. In fact, one of my buddies, I have only seen a handful of times since High School, that is more than 25 years ago.

We started talking about what so many people talk about, family, sports, friends and, of course, work. My friend, who I will call Dave, has been very successful. Probably more successful than any of us would have guessed back in High School. He has built a career that has provided very well financially for he and his family. He seems to love his job, although he is away from his family 4 or 5 days a week. He works for a big company and has big responsibilities.

As our conversation proceeded, I learned that he had bought a big estate back where he lives. It is fully paid for. He has three daughters, just like I do, and he has set aside all of their college tuition. He has money in the bank, although not enough to retire, but he thinks he may be just a few years away.

As I listened, I started to have feelings of envy. Dave seemed to achieve many of the things that I had set out to achieve when I was in High School. The big house, the big bank account and all of my financial worries taken care of long before 50 ( I thought I would have gotten that done before 40 to be honest). So this sudden wave of envy started to blanket my being. I felt a bit smaller, a bit jealous and a bit lost. I have not achieved all of those things yet, and I was envious of my friend who had. I thought, “why has he been able to do all of this and I have not. I was smarter and had more potential than he did when we were in high School.

Envy will quickly shrink the aperture of your life!

What do I mean by that?

As the conversation went on, the only thing that I could see and think about was my friends estate (which I have never been too) and how good it must feel to have all of your major financial needs met. In fact, envy prevented me from even talking about the other things in my life because my world became very small again; my world became about the thing I envied, financial security.

In order to travel the road to significance, we must have a wide aperture for life. We must be able to see that the world is so much bigger than comparing ourselves to others and envying the things they have that we don’t. A wide aperture in life let’s you see that financial needs are just one aspect of life.

As my conversation with Dave came to an end and the evening wrapped up, I found myself driving home in my car dealing with my envy. I suddenly realized that at no time in our conversation did I talk about all the great things that have been happening in my life. I never talked about Rwanda and the schools that I have been involved in. I never discussed the thousands of lives, maybe 10’s of thousands of lives that have been changed because I have had the great privilege of serving other well in a small country in east Africa. I did not discuss the lives that have touched me and I have touched as I coach in my home town; spending time helping shape the lives of growing children. Never once did we talk about what charitable work he was doing or what charitable work he would like to do. No, envy got the best of me and I forgot to look at the breathe and depth of a significant life. I came back to the surface of life and could only see what was immediately in front of me; a friend who had financial success that I envied.

We all have financial goals and needs in our life, and there will always be people who achieve more and accomplish more than we do. On the road to significance, we should celebrate the successes of others instead of envying them. In fact, we should all come together and share not only our great successes, but also share in our failures. Then, together, we can begin to see the world with a very wide aperture. Seeing the full spectrum of life and helping each person to experience a life of significance.
Potholes are dangerous on any road, especially the road to significance. But if you are willing to name them, gather a small group of friends to acknowledge them with you and work together to repair them, we may all find the road to significance a little bit smoother and a lot more enjoyable ride.