When I was younger, I hated when my parents used to tell me to use a travel guide if I was going to a foreign country. In fact, I still get a little frustrated whenever I travel with my wife’s family (which is often) as they not only have one travel guide, but multiple sources of information for any given destination. I have always been one to fly by the seat of my pants and see what happens. My mindset has always been, “whatever happens, happens and we can deal with it from there.”
I may not recommend this to everyone, but it is still the way I love to travel.
As I have traveled along the road to significance for the past 14 years, there are many things that I have experienced, both good and bad, that I would put in to a travel guide if I were to ever write one for traveling the road to significance. Just as in any journey, feel free to use the guide or go it alone. Either way works as long as you keep the proper destination in mind; a life of significance.
However, even though I hate to admit it, when I am with my in-laws and they pull out the guide, we usually get to where we need to be a lot quicker than if we used my favorite technique, catch as catch can. For example, as I might point aimlessly down the street to a sign on a door that I have never seen before and say “I think we should try this restaurant tonight”, having no idea what awaits us inside the door. My in-laws, on the other hand, will always find the best restaurant, with the best food and the best view in the city. Maybe there is something to these travel guides after all.
Therefore, if you are traveling down the road to significance, I suggest using the hybrid approach. Check the travel guide once in awhile and go it alone whenever it feels right. In the end , the destination is a more fulfilled life, a life of service, a life of abundance.
My first suggestion in my Road To Significance Travel Guide (RSTG) could be summed up in one word:
PERSPECTIVE
I believe that any life well lived, especially a significant life, can only be found in gaining new perspective all the time. I remember when I was young; I had a very narrow perspective. You see I grow up in an Italian family. Now, there is nothing wrong with Italian families. In fact, I had a wonderful family and one that I truly love. But the truth is, I was raised thinking that there was only one perspective and that perspective was the one my dad had and therefore would be the one I would have for the rest of my life.
This is not an assault on my dad’s perspective. Although I have grown to disagree with some of his beliefs, I have also grown to respect and understand the ways he sees the world. But in order to find a significant life, I needed to see the world through many different lenses.
I remember one of the first eye-opening experiences was working on 125th Street in Harlem when I was a 23 year-old recent college graduate. Growing up in an Italian family construction business, we had some slanted views on what was right and wrong with the world. I remember thinking very early on that poor people were poor because they were lazy, uneducated and unwilling to do what it takes to be successful. I had a perspective on poverty that clearly placed all the blame on the poor. If that is your perspective, I would highly recommend spending everyday for 2-years in and around poverty, either in this country or abroad. I can assure you that your perspective will change. It certainly changed mine.
My eyes were opened up to some of the inherent challenges that the marginalized and extremely poor in our country faced each and every day. Whether it was the lack of role models, a poor opportunity for education or a family history that had a path to nowhere baiting you into the same trap. There was institutional racism, there were cultural conflicts and there was outright discrimination. After two years in Harlem, I realized that my perspective on poverty needed to change.
Now don’t get me wrong, I still do believe that each and every one of us has a responsibility for ourselves. We need to get up each day and try to do what is right and make a better life for our families and ourselves. I do not believe that anyone can just sit back and claim that they are owed a better life and that someone, or something, such as the government, needs to provide it. Yet, as your perspective changes and your eyes are opened to the realities of life, you begin to realize that it is not until more people choose to live significant lives, lives that serve and love others well, will the marginalized and poor in our society or our world ever have a fair chance to pickup their torch and make a better life for themselves and their families. It is not up to others to give you a better life, but it is up to all of us to do our best to serve and love one another so each of us have an opportunity to live a significant life.
One of the things that frustrates me the most is that the need to serve and love others well is being left to our government. In some ways, it feels like the government is trying to hi-jack that responsibility. Each time the government sets new policies and new legislation that dictates and demands allocations and subsidies, it takes away the motivation and the opportunity for each and every one of us to live a significant life, to love and serve others well. Any one can argue the famous chicken or egg question here; did we abandon our duties as individuals to care for our communities and our world or did the government determine that only they were capable of “caring for” those in need. No matter what side of the argument you may be on, one thing is for certain, if we as individuals are not given the opportunity or example of self sacrifice and service and we can outsource it to the government, each of us is losing the unique blessing and joy that comes from a life of significance.
The last 14 years of my life, I have ventured around the world and close to home. Each time I walk out the door and every time I land on foreign soil, I enter the day hoping to gain new perspectives. I am always trying to learn from new cultures, new ideas, and new ways of life. I am amazed when I sit with teachers in Rwanda, or families in Mississippi, or when I when I get a chance to talk with a kid from an abusive family or a recovering drug addict, I am able to see the world from a new perspective and I am able to serve the world with a little more grace and a little more understanding.
The one trap that a broader perspective can have is that people begin to believe that there is no right or wrong. That whatever one person believes to be true for them must be accepted as truth and never questioned. We have become a world of no absolutes and deem everything only as a relative truth. I disagree completely with the notion of relative truth. There is only one truth and if you choose to travel on the road to significance, our destination is to understand and recognize the absolute truth. A single perspective does not always point to truth, but the wisdom of a broad perspective and an eagerness to see life through many lenses will begin to bring into focus the absolute truths of our world.
If you are willing to travel the road of significance, you must be willing to engage your life in broadening your perspective. Whether it is by being with people in your community, your country or your world, there is something to learn from everyone and everyone can help formulate your perspective. In the end, one truth that you will come face to face with is that we are created to love and serve each other; we are created to live significant lives.
Showing posts with label Oprah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Oprah. Show all posts
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Potholes: Envy
As one travels down the road to significance, there are many potholes that will get in the way. For each person, each pothole will take on its on shape and size. In fact, some people may see something like envy as just a small malformation in the pavement, where others see envy as a chasm that they fear may just engulf their entire life.
For me, naming the potholes and knowing that they are there has helped me deal with them. It is whenever I turn my head and refuse to acknowledge their existence, that I drive right into the pothole and destroy part of my life.
Just the other day, I was getting together with a few old friends. We gathered at a dinner event. Some of these people I had not seen for years. In fact, one of my buddies, I have only seen a handful of times since High School, that is more than 25 years ago.
We started talking about what so many people talk about, family, sports, friends and, of course, work. My friend, who I will call Dave, has been very successful. Probably more successful than any of us would have guessed back in High School. He has built a career that has provided very well financially for he and his family. He seems to love his job, although he is away from his family 4 or 5 days a week. He works for a big company and has big responsibilities.
As our conversation proceeded, I learned that he had bought a big estate back where he lives. It is fully paid for. He has three daughters, just like I do, and he has set aside all of their college tuition. He has money in the bank, although not enough to retire, but he thinks he may be just a few years away.
As I listened, I started to have feelings of envy. Dave seemed to achieve many of the things that I had set out to achieve when I was in High School. The big house, the big bank account and all of my financial worries taken care of long before 50 ( I thought I would have gotten that done before 40 to be honest). So this sudden wave of envy started to blanket my being. I felt a bit smaller, a bit jealous and a bit lost. I have not achieved all of those things yet, and I was envious of my friend who had. I thought, “why has he been able to do all of this and I have not. I was smarter and had more potential than he did when we were in high School.
Envy will quickly shrink the aperture of your life!
What do I mean by that?
As the conversation went on, the only thing that I could see and think about was my friends estate (which I have never been too) and how good it must feel to have all of your major financial needs met. In fact, envy prevented me from even talking about the other things in my life because my world became very small again; my world became about the thing I envied, financial security.
In order to travel the road to significance, we must have a wide aperture for life. We must be able to see that the world is so much bigger than comparing ourselves to others and envying the things they have that we don’t. A wide aperture in life let’s you see that financial needs are just one aspect of life.
As my conversation with Dave came to an end and the evening wrapped up, I found myself driving home in my car dealing with my envy. I suddenly realized that at no time in our conversation did I talk about all the great things that have been happening in my life. I never talked about Rwanda and the schools that I have been involved in. I never discussed the thousands of lives, maybe 10’s of thousands of lives that have been changed because I have had the great privilege of serving other well in a small country in east Africa. I did not discuss the lives that have touched me and I have touched as I coach in my home town; spending time helping shape the lives of growing children. Never once did we talk about what charitable work he was doing or what charitable work he would like to do. No, envy got the best of me and I forgot to look at the breathe and depth of a significant life. I came back to the surface of life and could only see what was immediately in front of me; a friend who had financial success that I envied.
We all have financial goals and needs in our life, and there will always be people who achieve more and accomplish more than we do. On the road to significance, we should celebrate the successes of others instead of envying them. In fact, we should all come together and share not only our great successes, but also share in our failures. Then, together, we can begin to see the world with a very wide aperture. Seeing the full spectrum of life and helping each person to experience a life of significance.
Potholes are dangerous on any road, especially the road to significance. But if you are willing to name them, gather a small group of friends to acknowledge them with you and work together to repair them, we may all find the road to significance a little bit smoother and a lot more enjoyable ride.
For me, naming the potholes and knowing that they are there has helped me deal with them. It is whenever I turn my head and refuse to acknowledge their existence, that I drive right into the pothole and destroy part of my life.
Just the other day, I was getting together with a few old friends. We gathered at a dinner event. Some of these people I had not seen for years. In fact, one of my buddies, I have only seen a handful of times since High School, that is more than 25 years ago.
We started talking about what so many people talk about, family, sports, friends and, of course, work. My friend, who I will call Dave, has been very successful. Probably more successful than any of us would have guessed back in High School. He has built a career that has provided very well financially for he and his family. He seems to love his job, although he is away from his family 4 or 5 days a week. He works for a big company and has big responsibilities.
As our conversation proceeded, I learned that he had bought a big estate back where he lives. It is fully paid for. He has three daughters, just like I do, and he has set aside all of their college tuition. He has money in the bank, although not enough to retire, but he thinks he may be just a few years away.
As I listened, I started to have feelings of envy. Dave seemed to achieve many of the things that I had set out to achieve when I was in High School. The big house, the big bank account and all of my financial worries taken care of long before 50 ( I thought I would have gotten that done before 40 to be honest). So this sudden wave of envy started to blanket my being. I felt a bit smaller, a bit jealous and a bit lost. I have not achieved all of those things yet, and I was envious of my friend who had. I thought, “why has he been able to do all of this and I have not. I was smarter and had more potential than he did when we were in high School.
Envy will quickly shrink the aperture of your life!
What do I mean by that?
As the conversation went on, the only thing that I could see and think about was my friends estate (which I have never been too) and how good it must feel to have all of your major financial needs met. In fact, envy prevented me from even talking about the other things in my life because my world became very small again; my world became about the thing I envied, financial security.
In order to travel the road to significance, we must have a wide aperture for life. We must be able to see that the world is so much bigger than comparing ourselves to others and envying the things they have that we don’t. A wide aperture in life let’s you see that financial needs are just one aspect of life.
As my conversation with Dave came to an end and the evening wrapped up, I found myself driving home in my car dealing with my envy. I suddenly realized that at no time in our conversation did I talk about all the great things that have been happening in my life. I never talked about Rwanda and the schools that I have been involved in. I never discussed the thousands of lives, maybe 10’s of thousands of lives that have been changed because I have had the great privilege of serving other well in a small country in east Africa. I did not discuss the lives that have touched me and I have touched as I coach in my home town; spending time helping shape the lives of growing children. Never once did we talk about what charitable work he was doing or what charitable work he would like to do. No, envy got the best of me and I forgot to look at the breathe and depth of a significant life. I came back to the surface of life and could only see what was immediately in front of me; a friend who had financial success that I envied.
We all have financial goals and needs in our life, and there will always be people who achieve more and accomplish more than we do. On the road to significance, we should celebrate the successes of others instead of envying them. In fact, we should all come together and share not only our great successes, but also share in our failures. Then, together, we can begin to see the world with a very wide aperture. Seeing the full spectrum of life and helping each person to experience a life of significance.
Potholes are dangerous on any road, especially the road to significance. But if you are willing to name them, gather a small group of friends to acknowledge them with you and work together to repair them, we may all find the road to significance a little bit smoother and a lot more enjoyable ride.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Philanthropy: (Fil-an-thro-pee)
It has been several months since my last blog. My world has been filled with ups and downs, ins and outs. I have tried to find a rhythm in life that works, but it seems to be ever elusive. My work has been focused on trying to create a movement that would have an impact on the culture, an effect on our society.
Much to my dismay, progress has been slow and roadblocks have been many. The road to significance is often an up hill climb.
Yet, on the journey, there are so many wonderful nuggets of wisdom and knowledge that we gain if we are just willing to take our eyes off of ourselves. I learn more by chance than I do by intention. For example, ever since the TV show, Oprah’s Big Give, many people have started to see me as a philanthropist. I started to wonder what that meant and who is truly a philanthropist. In fact, I wondered what philanthropist meant.
So I started on the Internet and I typed into Google, “P-H-I-L-A-N-T-H-R-O-P-I-S-T”
Word: Philanthropist
Form: Noun
Definition: One who practices Philanthropy.
Don’t you just love Webster’s? I obviously clicked on Philanthropy to find out it’s meaning.
Word: Philanthropy
Form: Noun
Definition: A philanthropic act or gift: An organization distributing or supported by philanthropic funds
By this time, frustration started to set in. But I suddenly realized that this was the general understanding in our society about what it means to be a philanthropist. You are either giving money or receiving money to do something that seemed to have some value. In fact, Google took me one step further as I clicked on philanthropic.
Word: Philanthropic
Form: Adjective
Definition: Dispensing or receiving aid from funds set aside for humanitarian purposes
And, finally:
Word: Humanitarian
Form: Noun
Definition: a person promoting human welfare and social reform.
After a few minutes of allowing my aggravation with the circular definitions of all the words settle, I began to wonder if being a philanthropist, as defined in Webster’s and by our society was really something to strive for. At the end of the day, was being a philanthropist about this never ending circle of giving money and receiving money. And was the purpose of those receiving the money just to promote human welfare and change or was it actually the act of causing human change and improving the welfare of others?
Let’s be honest, when anyone is asked who is the greatest philanthropist of our day, the names that come up are: Bill and Melinda Gates, Warren Buffet, maybe even Bono or Oprah Winfrey. All of them certainly take part in philanthropic endeavors giving money and promoting human welfare. Who better to promote change than Oprah or the billions of dollars that Bill and Melinda plan to give away. But if that is the only measure of philanthropy, then you and me and 99.999% of the world have almost no shot of ever becoming a great philanthropist. I started to become depressed and thought that I was a hypocrite to even consider myself a philanthropist.
Was philanthropy really just about money? Was a philanthropist only defined by the amount of money he/she gave or the amount of money he/she received from the givers, or, was there more to it?
I dug a little deeper into Google. I wanted to know, not what we believe philanthropy to mean, but rather what was at the root of philanthropy; what was at the heart of being a philanthropist.
Philanthropy developed from the Greek language with two roots:
PHILIEN ("to love") and ANTHROPOS ("mankind").
Putting those two roots together creates the true meaning of philanthropy, “to Love mankind”.
As I read this definition, my heart began to swell. It is no longer just the Bill Gates and Warren Buffets of the world who are capable of being philanthropists, but each and every one of us has the capacity to be a great philanthropist. But are we?
As I look around the world and around my community, I do not see philanthropists, in fact what I see is a world defined by another word: narcissist.
Word: Narcissist
Form: Noun
Definition: A person with excessive love or admiration of oneself
The world around us is shaped by the dominant culture. Our media, our politics, our way of life is determined by we hold dear as a society. The challenges we face as a nation are the challenges we all created by the way we have lived in the world. The narcissist sees the world as a place that serves them and their needs. A philanthropist sees the world as a place they can serve and meet the needs of others. The culture created by the narcissist depletes the resources of the universe in an effort to feed the excessive self-love and individual admiration. The philanthropic culture replenishes the universe by giving back the gifts we have been given as individuals and using those gifts for the love and service of our fellow man. Using our lives in a philanthropic way.
As I try to navigate my way through this narcissistic world, I find myself tired and drained by a culture that is always trying to take. I wonder what life might be like if we lived in a philanthropic culture. A place where all of us were giving back to one another and building each other up because of our love for mankind and God’s creation that surrounds us. In no way should this undermine individual achievement or personal goals. We all should strive to maximize the talents we have been given. But are the successes we have only meant for the benefit of ourselves? Or, could we possibly change our culture and use the successes in our lives for the significant love and service of others?
The road to significance is a road of change. Not just personal change, but cultural change. Are we prepared as a society to travel the road to significance? If we do, we will change the culture from success to significance, from selfish to service, from narcissistic to philanthropic. The road to significance is a journey through our culture, hopefully changing it along the way.
Much to my dismay, progress has been slow and roadblocks have been many. The road to significance is often an up hill climb.
Yet, on the journey, there are so many wonderful nuggets of wisdom and knowledge that we gain if we are just willing to take our eyes off of ourselves. I learn more by chance than I do by intention. For example, ever since the TV show, Oprah’s Big Give, many people have started to see me as a philanthropist. I started to wonder what that meant and who is truly a philanthropist. In fact, I wondered what philanthropist meant.
So I started on the Internet and I typed into Google, “P-H-I-L-A-N-T-H-R-O-P-I-S-T”
Word: Philanthropist
Form: Noun
Definition: One who practices Philanthropy.
Don’t you just love Webster’s? I obviously clicked on Philanthropy to find out it’s meaning.
Word: Philanthropy
Form: Noun
Definition: A philanthropic act or gift: An organization distributing or supported by philanthropic funds
By this time, frustration started to set in. But I suddenly realized that this was the general understanding in our society about what it means to be a philanthropist. You are either giving money or receiving money to do something that seemed to have some value. In fact, Google took me one step further as I clicked on philanthropic.
Word: Philanthropic
Form: Adjective
Definition: Dispensing or receiving aid from funds set aside for humanitarian purposes
And, finally:
Word: Humanitarian
Form: Noun
Definition: a person promoting human welfare and social reform.
After a few minutes of allowing my aggravation with the circular definitions of all the words settle, I began to wonder if being a philanthropist, as defined in Webster’s and by our society was really something to strive for. At the end of the day, was being a philanthropist about this never ending circle of giving money and receiving money. And was the purpose of those receiving the money just to promote human welfare and change or was it actually the act of causing human change and improving the welfare of others?
Let’s be honest, when anyone is asked who is the greatest philanthropist of our day, the names that come up are: Bill and Melinda Gates, Warren Buffet, maybe even Bono or Oprah Winfrey. All of them certainly take part in philanthropic endeavors giving money and promoting human welfare. Who better to promote change than Oprah or the billions of dollars that Bill and Melinda plan to give away. But if that is the only measure of philanthropy, then you and me and 99.999% of the world have almost no shot of ever becoming a great philanthropist. I started to become depressed and thought that I was a hypocrite to even consider myself a philanthropist.
Was philanthropy really just about money? Was a philanthropist only defined by the amount of money he/she gave or the amount of money he/she received from the givers, or, was there more to it?
I dug a little deeper into Google. I wanted to know, not what we believe philanthropy to mean, but rather what was at the root of philanthropy; what was at the heart of being a philanthropist.
Philanthropy developed from the Greek language with two roots:
PHILIEN ("to love") and ANTHROPOS ("mankind").
Putting those two roots together creates the true meaning of philanthropy, “to Love mankind”.
As I read this definition, my heart began to swell. It is no longer just the Bill Gates and Warren Buffets of the world who are capable of being philanthropists, but each and every one of us has the capacity to be a great philanthropist. But are we?
As I look around the world and around my community, I do not see philanthropists, in fact what I see is a world defined by another word: narcissist.
Word: Narcissist
Form: Noun
Definition: A person with excessive love or admiration of oneself
The world around us is shaped by the dominant culture. Our media, our politics, our way of life is determined by we hold dear as a society. The challenges we face as a nation are the challenges we all created by the way we have lived in the world. The narcissist sees the world as a place that serves them and their needs. A philanthropist sees the world as a place they can serve and meet the needs of others. The culture created by the narcissist depletes the resources of the universe in an effort to feed the excessive self-love and individual admiration. The philanthropic culture replenishes the universe by giving back the gifts we have been given as individuals and using those gifts for the love and service of our fellow man. Using our lives in a philanthropic way.
As I try to navigate my way through this narcissistic world, I find myself tired and drained by a culture that is always trying to take. I wonder what life might be like if we lived in a philanthropic culture. A place where all of us were giving back to one another and building each other up because of our love for mankind and God’s creation that surrounds us. In no way should this undermine individual achievement or personal goals. We all should strive to maximize the talents we have been given. But are the successes we have only meant for the benefit of ourselves? Or, could we possibly change our culture and use the successes in our lives for the significant love and service of others?
The road to significance is a road of change. Not just personal change, but cultural change. Are we prepared as a society to travel the road to significance? If we do, we will change the culture from success to significance, from selfish to service, from narcissistic to philanthropic. The road to significance is a journey through our culture, hopefully changing it along the way.
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